sfux: i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
emilioestevez: story time so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
broternia: i was just out taking a walk and some woman slowly stopped her car next to me and she was all like “excuse me” and i was freakin out like oh my god she’s going to kill me or ask for directions or something, my life is over, and she was like “take this” and she handed me a 10 dollar bill and she was like “get yourself a haircut so you can get a job you fucking hippie” i’m laaughing so...
babyferaligator: haha loser look at you sitting all by yourself at lunch but mom Im homeschooled
gaysexistheanswer: hungarian: someone in class asked me for my tumblr & i took her phone & told her i followed myself on her account but i actually followed gaysexistheanswer thank you
lilbunnygirl: *gives you a lap dance for curly fries*
fuckyouajax: relationship status:
partybarackisinthehousetonight: if you’re ever feeling lazy just remember that the ancient greeks believed their gods lived on top of a very climbable hill but no one even bothered to check
usb-dongle: it has been one of my greatest dreams to beat the living shit out of something at least once so god fucking help anybody that ever tries to assault me because i will be brimming with every violent urge that i have ever tucked away in my entire life
lvysaur: youhavetooletgo: lvysaur: x is my least favorite letter now because of math Y? i swear to fucking god
crapuccinos: i am like a hexagon all my hecks r gone
pizzaforpresident: if i was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato i would die
pignite: *unzips pants* it’s
lameborghini: *sends u nudes but just as a friend*
craplos: ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
freeshawarmas: jehovas-witness: internetexplorers: cheese3d: nothings worse than soft grapes soft apples soft dicks ☾☻soft grunge blog☻☽
jinn0uchi: the-hatred-machine: purgatorystuck: Mi papá tiene 47 años= my dad is 47 years old Mi papa tiene 47 anos= my potato has 47 assholes I love spanish A capital letter changes it even further: Mi Papa tiene 47 anos = My pope has 47 anuses literally the best post I have seen on this website
psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and...
niallhortonhearsawho: a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
vvierd: vvierd: do you ever look in a mirror and think why.… am i so perfect
brandisbigbootybitches: im gonna make a movie that’s titled “WILL SOMETHING SCARY HAPPEN?” and it will feature an hour and a half of someone walking around their house in the dark doing various things that COULD be the prelude to something scary but nothing actually scary will happen until after the credits when spooky scary skeletons will play
baby-scars: yahoo is going to delete every blog that doesn’t reblog my selfies sorry i don’t make the rules
mywickedway: i hope the people who grade my essays don’t laugh at me
honksy: *on my deathbed* nurse: do you have any last words me: i………..regret……being so……m…..mean………and heartless……………. *the light goes out of my eyes* *a small piece of paper falls out of my hand* *the paper says one word only* “sike”
grunkfield: im crying bc i just read an article saying that bieber literally called his manager at 3 am to say he decided that it should be spelled swaggy instead of swaggie
me: why does no one like me
person: i like you'
me: why does no one like me
tomahok: my mother does not care about fashion
slugly: ♥ ♡ ♥ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ show me ♥ ♡ ur butt ♡ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♥
dorfs: Woops my 10 minute study break turned into a whole year
unicornmunch: here’s a list of what i’d like to do with you: hug go on walks while holding hands smile kiss cuddle have cute little dates have movie nights take adorable pictures go new places try new things fall in love brutally fuck you look at the stars do everything i was ever scared to do alone.